My cat, Carlos, was just a kitten 4 years ago at the humane society, he was found in a thunderstorm, alone, at 1 week old with no parents around. We adopted him. He turned out to be a very timid cat, our older cat made him live in terror as a young kitten. As he got bigger, he became braver and braver, and though he was never likely to come up to a stranger, he was comfortable around my family. Whenever I left a room, he would look at me form that room very sadly, like he was already missing me. When I say "CarlyCarl" or "Carlos" in a high voice and snap my fingers, he would always come running. When I pet him, it felt like he was being petted but I was getting the benefit. He always was a lean cat and just a month ago, we got him a WunderBowl. He began to eat a healthy amount of food every day. I was so happy, I thought that he was going to be fine, his hunger issues finally over. After a week, he hadn't gained weight. We took him to the vet and found he had kidney failure. We never found out why. FastForward 3 days, he isn't eating and his mouth is bleeding. We took him to the hospital, his kidneys couldn't work at all anymore and his mouth hurt far too much to eat. He was in severe pain and he was hungry. We had to send him off. I don't know if there is heaven, and even if there is, how long do I have to wait to see him? I miss him. This is the day after we decided to put him down, and I am walking in circles, crying at his grave, sobbing while watching videos and pictures of him, and sometimes I collapse onto my bed and I find that I can't move. I keep calling him and just hoping, he doesn't magically appear and I'm all sad again. I'm afraid that if he's still out there somewhere, that he's afraid. He was always afraid of new things, and now he doesn't have me there with him. Every time I think of him I get sadder than sad, and when things are just ordinary sad, the only thing that could possibly make me happy is the feeling of him brushing against my leg. He was only 4. Thats too young.